Holding forth the Word f Life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ
Trinity Reformed Baptist Church
Topeka, Kansas 66614
Kay Lyn Carlson's Testimony
At 17, while I was allowing the abortionist to take the life of my baby, I had no idea that 10 years later I would be pleading to God to allow death to breathe over me and take my life. I did not want to live with the anguish of my abortion any longer, so I cried out to God “Let me die!”
More than 25 years ago, while I myself was still much a child, I had no idea that later in life I would love the child I lost, and how desperately I would want to be his mother. My arms are empty and a part of my soul remains barren. I had no idea how much I would grieve over the death of my aborted baby.
When the results of the pregnancy test confirmed I was pregnant, I was terrified. Terrified to tell my parents, terrified of what my future would hold. I was in a crisis! Unfortunately, it was easier for me to go through an abortion procedure than it was to tell my parents that I was pregnant. I was scared, alone and making a life-changing decision on my own and I believed that abortion was my only option.
On the day of my abortion I sat among 15 or so other girls dressed in white waiting for our names to be called. Every few minutes the attendant would call the name of another girl. I remember crying, shaking, and rocking back and forth not wanting to be there, but thought I had to be.
Once the procedure began, the women standing at my side tried to comfort me by saying, “Don’t cry my dear everything is going to be fine. This is a simple, safe, and easy procedure. It will be all over soon and you can go home and never have to think about it again. And, your parents will never have to know!”
After the procedure, we were all given a pill of some sort to take, and a release form to fill out before we left. My hands were shaking profusely from the traumatic event, that caused me to spill water all over myself, as I struggled to get the pill in my mouth. Also the pen I was using shook wildly in my hands while I was trying to fill out the requested paperwork.
I left that day remembering what they had told me, “You will never have to think about it again.” And for the next several years I tucked this ENORMOUS secret away, and tried consistently to forget about it.
Eight years later, I was shown an ultrasound of my second child, Emily. Seeing the truth on the ultrasound monitor screen, my world plummeted. This was NOT a blob of tissue, a cluster of cells, or a product of conception as I was told at the abortion facility. She was a tiny little baby, fully formed! The nurse asked me if I was okay. I lied and said “yes”, while inside I wanted to run away from myself for what I had done during my previous abortion.
Shortly after Emily was born, I started to have nightmares. I dreamt her body was dismembered and put into several old medicine jars setting on a shelf in some old, mad scientist’s lab--her head in one jar, and legs in another. Another vivid dream involved Emily and I was holding on for dear life on a bridge, with raging water underneath us. A man dressed in black stood on the bridge and could save only one of us. He reached his hand to mine, and I took it. I knew Emily would die as I watched her plunge into the waves screaming, “MOMMY, mommy, mom - m - m - a” until her voice was heard no more.
There were more nightmares and other symptoms associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or [PTSD] that I was experiencing, which included: anxiety ,depression, self-loathing and self-hatred that went on for many years. And in my despair, I couldn’t handle the pain any longer and I cried out for relief, and I received the help I earnestly needed through CPO.
Olivia Gans from National Right To Life said it best when she said “It is time we start remembering our abortions rather than trying to forget them.” I couldn’t agree more. Abortion not only can cause you physical damage, but also social, psychological and spiritual impairment as well. By dealing with your past, we can help you move forward to a life full of joy, peace and serenity like others have, so that they may receive the same joy that I have received in Christ.
I also know millions of women and men also suffer silently as I did for many years. Sadly, there are too many people who don’t want to be forgiven, and believe that punishing themselves is the right thing to do. But, it is time that those hurting from their abortions, in one way or another, courageously step out from their hiding and choose to begin the healing process. True freedom and restoration from an abortion can be achieved. Therefore, we at CPO are here to help and assist you now!
Please call CPO at 1-785-232-3316 without delay.
Both men and women are affected and will be offered assistance.
CPO will help you without cost or any obligation.
You will never be sorry you accept their help!